One interpretation of Matthew 19:9 is that if someone commits adultery Jesus allows you to divorce them. In recent times people have then extended this to say, well surely physical abuse breaks the covenant of marriage too, you are free to divorce. We have argued that allowing divorce in the case of adultery may not be the correct interpretation of this verse, but even it is we believe 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 offers a more redemptive path forward through the very real an difficult circumstances of abuse.
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
– 1 Corinthians 7:10-11
Firstly, we are not trying in anyway way to say anyone, whether husband or wife, should just “shut up and take it” or set back women’s rights in any way. Love sometimes means saying no or establishing boundaries. What we say applies to both men and woman, and we know husbands in abusive relationships too, but offer them the same wisdom.
In 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 Paul at the same time has he forbids divorce, and has that command from the Lord, from Jesus, makes an allowance for separation. In certain circumstances it may be right to separate for a time for the protection of one spouse or for children and to give the prodigal spouse over to God, that they might repent and turn back to him.
Circumstances where this may apply might include:
- Physical abuse
- Emotional abuse
- Financial abuse
- Mental illness
- Substances addiction
- Gambling or other circumstances where you need to protect from financial loss
- Protection of children
But even in these very hurtful circumstances, we believe there is a calling of Christians to love and pray for the repentance of the prodigal and restoration of the marriage and family. When you marry, you are now one body and spirit with your spouse, there is no more powerful spiritual authority and union outside of God himself. It is also a picture of Christ’s faithful and unfailing love for the church. Again that doesn’t mean you have to stay in abuse, but it does mean “remain unmarried or else be reconciled”.
Another way to think about it is, what if this was your child? You might have to give your child over to God. You might have to stop enabling their addiction or help them get appropriate treatment for their mind, but you would never stop praying for them, you’d always forgive them and welcome them back if they came to a place of repentance. The relationship between a husband and wife is supposed to be just as if not more close, more permanent, more loving.
We are not saying 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 says you must separate in those circumstances. Ultimate you have to follow the spirit and what he is leading you to do in your specific circustmances. Please also check out this testimony of how God can use the love of a spouse to change the heart of a prodigal: